5 Lessons from the Shut Up and Writeathon

My mean wolf has a name. Maxine. She sits down right beside me when I decide to write. She has a lot to say. She tells me I must be brilliant and profound and spectacular. As if that weren’t enough, after a time looking at a blank page she starts asking questions. “Why aren’t you writing?” “Are you sure you have what it takes to be a writer?”

Maxine has a killer instinct.

During the past 2 weeks, I got close up and personal with Maxine. She was encouraged to show her face during an on-line event called the Shut Up and Writeathon, the brainchild of Stella Orange. Stella Orange is a copywriter who helps people with their business writing projects such as writing a website or creating promotional materials.

The writeathon was brilliant. Stella soothed the resistance in sitting down and writing; she encouraged us to play.

During the 10-day challenge, in her wonderful quirky way, Stella helped us unearth the distractions, hurdles and what we say to ourselves. Give that mean wolf a name, she said.

I recognized that mean wolf from other endeavours in my life. I recognized her from my own journey to work that is a good fit for me. And I recognized her from my work with others who want a work life that engages them in the right way. She is wily.

Our last assignment in the Shut Up and Writeathon was to create a blog highlighting 5 things we learned from the experience.

I learned a lot from the experience, a lot that can be directly applied to doing work that matters to you. 

Here they are:

Ideas come through doing.

When I was a young writer, I would pick up my pen when I was inspired by an event or an observation. At some point, I realized I had not written in a long time. It was in a conversation with Luanne Armstrong author of 14 books who told me it is a misconception that our ideas happen before we sit down to write.

She explained it is through the process of writing where our ideas emerge. This idea is life changing. My aha moment this week was it applies to all my writing, business included.

Lesson

Work that matters is about looking inside yourself to see what makes you tick. It is the doing of the exploration that leads to the idea of where you use your strengths. To know your strengths means doing the work to figure it out.

How can I make this pleasurable?

Stella Orange shared her disciplines for writing. The idea of making writing pleasurable I adopted. There is nothing like fun to get me motivated and engaged.

Lesson

Work that matters always has the element of fun in it. Remember though – we each have our own ideas of what fun is. We are also more receptive when we are having fun.

Confidence is cultivated.

What is intriguing about our culture is that babies are born with confidence. What happens along the way? We can re-learn confidence. Basically for writers, it means shut up and write. It means showing up, following through on your promises (especially the ones we make to ourselves), and know that we have to find our own way.

I realized in the Writeathon that I need to see my writing times as non-negotiable. The craft of writing happens through doing, paying attention to what works and what does not.

Lesson

Work that matters requires us showing up in our life. It means taking our aspirations seriously. What it also means is also paying attention to how we keep ourselves small.

Being hard on ourselves is a pointless strategy.

As the days progressed in the Writeathon, Stella told us to celebrate whatever amount of writing we were doing, whether we had missed days or not. She encouraged us to post our “failures” on the Facebook group so we could all celebrate together.

What a novel idea.

In my own writing, I tend to focus more on what I have not done. But what about cutting myself some slack?

Lesson

When a person is doing work that is not a good fit, I have seen them being quite self critical. It comes with the territory when we have a problem not easy to solve. How can we be kinder to ourselves, especially when we are being challenged?

Even a mean wolf has something to teach.

I had a dialogue with Maxine. She was created out of a need to protect myself. She wants to keep me safe and that means cozy and comfy on my couch. Safe doesn’t look like putting myself out there.

Lesson

Moving towards work that matters means moving out of the comfort zone. If the answer was there, we would have found it already. What it doesn’t mean is turning everything upside down. It means taking one step at a time. The answer is much closer than we think.

Since the Shut Up and Writeathon, I am feeling a good deal less irritated by my mean wolf. Now when I sit down to write, I expect her to show up. What I realized as I truly listened to what Maxine had to say was she had a lazy trait. She pretty much said the same thing over and over again. No new thoughts. But there I was every day, letting her take up a lot of space. 

What do you think? What is the name of your mean wolf?

Knowing when to stay and when to walk away

Have you ever been in a situation that wasn’t working for you but didn’t know how to change it?  Perhaps you thought of leaving but anyway you looked felt scary? Perhaps you knew it was important to stay?

When I think of certain times in my life, I can see I was at a crossroad.  Was I going to stay or walk away? 

To be honest, the realization of a choice came after some pondering and plenty of questioning. Up to that point, I was trying my best but nothing I did changed the situation.

In considering when to walk away or when to stay, some situations are clear. If you are feeling unsafe or in an unhealthy relationship, it is time to make a plan to leave. 

Most of my dilemmas were vaguer. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what wasn’t working and for some reason figuring it out is where I focused my energy. Certainly there were good parts in the situation, where the list of pros matched the list of cons. After all, I would tell myself, nothing in life is perfect.

What I noticed over time was what I was telling others. For one thing, I realized I was telling a story and it was sounding pretty repetitive. The story seemed to have a common theme – complaints. 

Hearing myself talk was where I was able to see the situation more clearly.  What registered for me was my integrity being compromised.  One of my favourite definitions of integrity was by author Laurence G. Boldt. “Integrity is being true to yourself.”

How do you know when you are not being true to yourself?  Here are several markers and how they may be affecting your work life:

You are living on autopilot.

Routines are central to our lives because of the fundamental nature of being human.  To be stay alive, we need to eat, sleep and exercise every day.  Often work routines can form the same rhythm day after day. What you may not notice is that your dreams and desires are pushed to the background and what is important to you becomes less important in your day-to-day life. Small wonder when people go on holidays and dream about not going back home.

Vacations are one of the best gifts you can give yourself in getting back to what is true for you.  The idea is to remove yourself from the routine so you can see your life through a different lens. 

There is an incongruence in your life. 

Seeing yourself talk in one way and act in another is a way you don’t show up for yourself. For example, one of the big incongruences is when people say what is most important to them is being happy but they are not happy in their work. Being true to yourself means matching what you want in your life with what you do. 

You are not taking charge of your life.

You are being a passenger. This happens in a multitude of ways:

• You are waiting for retirement (and that is years away).
• You are waiting for an opportunity. You have worked hard and shown that you contribute in helpful ways. Any day now....
• You say that if you were meant to do a certain kind of work, it would happen. This is along the lines of a divine plan pre-set for you.

Being true to yourself means getting into the driver’s seat. The challenge is the focus required to get to know yourself and what it is that you want in your life. The rewards of that exploration are larger than you could ever imagine.

You are looking outside of yourself for answers.

When you are struggling with confusion about what to do, it is natural to ask others for advice. What happens, though, when you follow someone else’s suggestion is it may not work for you. What works well is sharing ideas.

An example of getting input from others without them making decisions on your behalf is making a list of your 5 top strengths, telling them to others and asking the question, “I’m looking at work that is a good fit for me. When you hear my strengths, what ideas do you have?” The response could range from a referral to someone they know to a book or article recommendation. Think of it as brainstorming.

Getting a lot of ideas not only helps you expand your possibilities but it also helps when energy is stuck. What you definitely don’t need is someone telling you what to do. You have what you need to figure it out yourself. Often it means listening to yourself. 

Walk away or stay? How do you determine what is true to you?  You are welcome to share your thoughts in the comments below. 

Are you keeping yourself small?

Not long ago I read a statement that the saddest word is potential. Perhaps this is seen best in others when it is so obvious that who they are in the world could be so much bigger.

The same observation could be made about ourselves. 

After years of working as an employment counsellor, I observed two patterns about people and their dreams: people struggling with dreaming big and others abandoning their dream.

Dreaming big is so connected with keeping ourselves small. Marianne Williamson’s words about our biggest fear of being “powerful beyond measure,” resonates deeply as I think of how people keep themselves small.

What I find intriguing is watching myself in my daily life. Ordinary days are rich with ways I can understand myself. As a solopreneur, there are a lot of ways I can be spending my time; as I scour the Internet, there are guaranteed ways for me to experience success. How do I choose which program to take or coach to hire?

If I am honest with myself, I am not doing the research to explore what might work for me. When I think about it deeply, I am overwhelmed.  I believe there is an illusion that the answer is around the corner.

In the meantime, this is one way to keep myself small.

How do you keep yourself small? When it comes to being unhappy in your work and yet feel perplexed about making the changes that will move you forward, here are some ways you may be keeping yourself small:

1.         You have a dream that has been around for a long time.

You may find the dream appearing on your goals list again and again or popping up in a conversation with a friend. “Oh yes, I had forgot about that.” What you might recognize is a deep longing resurfacing. There is fire in such reactions. You may come to an understanding why this dream is so important to you but in a way it doesn’t matter. Dreams with energy are the stuff of regrets when you are older. I have heard seniors saying it isn’t what they did that they regret, it is what they didn’t do.

What can you do to take your dream seriously?

2.         You find you are spending a good deal of time on what doesn’t really matter to you.

Once upon a time when I was playing Spider Solitaire on a regular basis as a de-stressing activity, I looked at the stats and found I had spent 60 hours playing the game. That was 60 hours of my life. The accumulation of time can be shocking. I was grateful for those game developers in keeping that stat; other activities in my life have no calculator.

Are you spending your precious time engaged in activities that are not enriching your life? 

3.         Another day goes by – you are feeling like you are on a treadmill.

What you come to realize is that a day can be filled easily.  Once I heard that an organization spends 30% of its resources on maintaining its infrastructure.  I suspect this is the same for people. Taking care of business like dishes and errands and laundry can take up all the time in a day. Where is the space for working on your dreams? 

How could you make sure that you have room for dreaming and scheming?

4.         Minimizing the dream.

Following your dreams can be a scary matter. It requires believing in yourself, commitment and a good dose of courage. In a way, it is easier to say that your dream doesn’t really matter. When you dismiss your dreams, you are dealing with a slippery opponent, one that has no business being in your driver’s seat.

How can you make sure that you keep your dream alive?

What I have come to understand is this: My living small does not serve anyone. 

A while ago, I listened to an interview with Pema Chodron and k.d. lang. As they talked about the Buddhist teachings, one of the ideas was around being of service.  Approaching the world from that viewpoint means that we are always aligned with something big.

The Art of Surrender: what to do when you don't know what to do

What do you do when you are perplexed about what to do? When it seems like there are no roads ahead and going back is not an option, how do you navigate yourself? 

At times I have felt utterly lost and sometimes befuddled by possibilities. 

This happened especially when I was at a work crossroad. What I knew for sure was my work was not satisfying or engaging me. At those times, I woke up early and felt deflated about the day ahead. I had no idea of what I wanted to do but I was very clear about what I did not. 

I felt like I should know the answer. Now would be nice. I had an urge to do something, anything.

And then I learned about surrender. In the most unlikely of places. Spain.

Finding my way in Valencia

I had received instructions from my host family in Valencia on how to get to the centre of the city – the train, transfer to the subway and the name of the station where to get off.

At the train platform, there was a machine to buy my 10-ticket pass. Thankfully, there was an English option. On the final screen after the purchase, I read, “Validate your ticket.” 

What I remembered then was a discussion from the previous day with house mates who said there were steep fines if you hadn’t validated your ticket. 

I looked around. I had no idea what to do with my ticket.  My rudimentary Spanish language skills did not include “validate.” A train approached. Every one who got on went directly to their seats.  No machines on there. The train departed.

I had been in Spain for 10 days. I had many times like this particular moment, where I was truly stymied about how to proceed. No one to ask. Not even Google.

Alone on the platform, my surrender lesson began. I sat on the bench. 

The first idea that comes up about surrender is that it is about giving up. Surrender, I found, is much more active. What is involved is letting go and embracing. Many of the most important lessons in life have a paradox. 

What I leave behind in surrender is resistance and pushing. Instead of insisting something must be a certain way, I enter into a zone of not trying so hard.

When I observe my resistance, I can see that it is about an attachment to how things must be, about how I want to control a situation. Underneath that is fear, the companion of control.

What I embrace in surrender is two ideas, both about paying attention:

1. Something bigger is going on. In the moment, the predicament may take up all the space. For example, being in a job that you don’t like may propel you to try harder or minimize your feelings. What if it is time to move on? Perhaps it is time to grow and expand your knowledge. This can be especially hard if you have a “golden handcuffs” kind of job, where envisioning quitting a job is associated with leaving great benefits behind. What is bigger is all about trust. Can you see beyond what you perceive as a loss? 
2. The time has come to do some observing. When it feels like something must be done, the most helpful action is mindfulness. What is it that you really want to do? What excites you? When you look at your life, what clues do you see?  Paying attention this way, though, means looking carefully. That cannot be done when you are speeding through life. 

The first step in surrendering is cease doing what you are doing.  I am reminded of the saying from Cowboy Will Rodgers:  “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

This step may be the hardest of all, especially if you really want something.  You may have invested a lot of time and energy in your pursuit and not want to throw that away.

What may help is understanding that there are many ways to get to a destination. Or maybe the destination you envisioned is not what you really want after all. When you begin uncovering what is happening for you, you may find the destination is not specific but more of a feeling. For example, you may be looking for work where you have more freedom. Or where you can better use your gifts and talents.

The next step is understanding that anything that is really important to you will require an act of faith.   

“Of course, most of the things that truly matter require significant leaps of surrender. Without it there can be no love. Unless we learn to let down our defenses, to tolerate, forgive, and abide, no human relationship is possible. There can be no creativity without practicing surrender, either, since creativity springs from the unknown.”  Mark Matousek

Back on the platform in Valencia, a man on a bike maneuvered close to me. He reached in his pocket, pulled out a card and waved it over a flat surface. I heard a noise. After he left, I took my card and repeated his motion. “Neuve residual,” flashed on the screen. Nine remaining. I had validated my ticket. 

What matters most to you?

What is most important to you?  Behind all of your actions and decisions reside values.  Core values guide you towards how you want to be in the world.  Often when you are conflicted, you find you are not acting in alignment with how you want to lead your life.

Values affect all parts of your life.  In your workplace, you will find that when you are having a disagreement with another colleague, what you believe will be at the root of the issue.

Your values could affect the work that you choose.  Or not choose.

After several months of not being able to find work and living in a new city, my aunt arranged for me to get an interview at a factory.  I was hired.

I was placed at the end of a conveyor belt where I picked up flat boxes that had just been glued at the seams and placed them in a bigger box.  I had two other components to the job:  ensuring the boxes were glued and the machine kicked out every 25th box. 

And that was it. 

Soon I was miserable.  I looked forward to coffee time and lunch, and those inevitable (thankfully!) machine breakdowns.

I dreamed of faraway places and how much money I could put away for adventures. 

What I realized was that some basic parts of me were starving.  Some of my core values such as contributing in a meaningful way, variety, and discovery were relegated to my off-work time.  Except work took up a lot of my time and energy. 

 That factory job taught me a lot about myself. 

You will notice that a lot of your own experiences will inform you of what is most important to you.  Even if you go in the back door like I did. 

Here are a few questions that arise when thinking of how values affect finding work that matters.

What are values?

Values are those guiding standards or principles we use to make decisions and are what drives our actions.  We have many values.  Often you will find that in values assessments, there is a process to pick your top values – those are your core values.   Here is a listing of some values. 

How are values used for finding work that matters?

Values are used in two ways:  to help determine your career and to assist you in finding the organization or company that would be a good fit.  Your values are one aspect of you that is used in the self discovery process of career exploration.  For more information on the Finding Work That Matters’ model, click here.

For job search, remember that you are on the same page as employers – you are both looking for the right fit.  What this means is that both parties need to have a clear idea of what they are seeking. 

Values drive every organization and company.  You will often see a listing of businesses’ values on their website.  Are they in alignment with yours?  If yes, how can you contribute in a way that acts on their values?

How do you uncover your core values?

I have developed a worksheet that you can access for free.  Click here to explore your values.  I would love to hear what you have discovered through the process.   You are welcome to email me at patricia@findingworkthatmatters.com

The core values that have emerged for Finding Work That Matters are integral to all of the work that I do with clients.  It provides the essence of the process and outcomes.  Below are my top 3 values:

Aliveness – to connect with what is alive in you and others

I agree with Marshall Rosenberg (creator of Nonviolent Communication) that what humans want is to connect with what is alive in ourselves and each other.  What makes you come alive? The sense of aliveness is engaging, energizing and expansive. 

Boldness – to step wholeheartedly into your life

The definition of boldness has 2 components.  One is to be daring and the other is about strength.  When I see a person being bold, they are working in alignment with their strengths, offering to the world their own unique gifts and talents.      

Contribution – to contribute in a way that is meaningful to you

Contributing is a personal choice.  For some, a contribution is a cause or an ideal and it certainly can be in very ordinary ways.  Check out this video for ways of contributing in our daily lives.  This is the way we change the world!

To find out how I can help you find work that matters to you, check this out.