Want something more but don't know how to do it?

Short days in Victoria

During the dark nights surrounding solstice, time naturally leans to reflecting about our lives.  The down time after Christmas and as we launch into a new year is a perfect opportunity to consider where you want to go.

This season I have heard a few people say:  I thought I would do something more in my life but I don’t know what that is. 

My response is:  the answer is closer than you think.

Because here’s what I know after a long time of working with people struggling with this quandary, the 2 issues that blindside them: 

1. People minimize their own gifts and talents.
2. People want the answer to come in a neat tidy recognizable package.  And preferably someone else to tell them, thank you very much.

Now, here’s the thing.  These people have accomplished a good deal in their lives and have genuinely tried to figure it out.

And often for a long time.  So they are understandably frustrated. 

People minimize their own gifts and talents

For a long time, I thought that I was just like all other employment counsellors.  I figured they too were absorbed with helping solve the puzzle of what people were meant to do. 

After I got to hang around quite a few, I could see that there were many types of employment counsellors. Some didn’t much care about what I was spending a lot of time pondering.

Here's what I learned from that observation.  Where you focus your energy has a lot to do with what your gifts and talents are.  This is where your curiosity will amp up, like a 100-watt light bulb.  And because you do this all the time, you don’t recognize it as a gift or talent. 

Doesn’t everybody do this?  you will ask.  The answer is no.  There may be others who are intrigued in the way you are and it would be good to spend time with them.  But you will still come at your gifts and talents in your unique way.

There is something in your life you do when you look real closely is quite different than what other people do. 

My sister's amazing Christmas cake!

A good example is my sister.  And what she does with food.  She contemplates food throughout her everyday activities – reading, shopping, talking with others, looking on the Internet.  She takes on the task of perfecting recipes, adjusting and blending with a fine-tuned palate.  This year she modified her Christmas cake recipe for my gluten-free diet and her vegan one.  And it was remarkable!  It also looks beautiful. The top of each of her cakes is decorated with whole pecans. 

How I see her approach to food is like it is an experiment.  Daily life is her lab and she takes one idea from here and one from there and brings it together to create her own brand of magic.

My sister loves food!  She likes gardening, canning, baking, cooking, selecting, planning, taste testing.  She spends her other time watching cooking shows and reading cookbooks. 

What does she like best about food?  This would be a long conversation with her.  And it is her journey to pinpoint exactly what intrigues her the most. 

Then once she does, she can look out into the world and see how her gifts and talents can help others. 

This is how we find that work that feels like something more.  The discovery isn’t just about work – it could be about a volunteer activity or a hobby or following an interest to see where it goes. 

But here’s the cautionary note.  The temptation is great to look for opportunities in the world before identifying exactly what your gifts and talents are. 

Don’t jump ahead.  Stay here and mull over it.  Let it percolate.  Observe yourself in the world.  Take your dreams seriously.

What I know is also true is you will experience resistance. 

Allowing yourself the space to consider what you have to offer is a courageous act.  Laurence G. Boldt has coined the phrase “The Voice of Diminishment,” for the part of you that keeps you small.  It is the not-good-enough, you-don’t-deserve-it or critical voice that lives inside of you, that rears its head when you move towards your dream.  Bravery is needed here. 

How do you deal with such a backbiter?

Recognize it.  Know that when you are entering a new arena, it will be there.

Acknowledge it.  This is an old part of you that developed to keep you safe.  It is merely an interpretation of a situation from a long time ago. 

Move beyond it.  The voice is not the truth.  In order for that voice to not dictate your life, you have to be firm in saying – this is not the truth. 

The second part is to invest your time and energy into believing in yourself.  Another courageous act. 

Those inner and sometimes outer voices can be subtle betrayers because they have been around for such a long time and there is some hint of truth.  They will give you a lot of messages. 

I want the answer in a neat, tidy package

This is where the second issue arises.  You will want a “lightbulb” moment, where suddenly everything comes together.  And if it doesn’t, you may think you have missed the mark.

Here’s some of the thoughts that accompany the “lightbulb” reaction:

• The idea is too simple or too complex or not important.   
• It has been done before.
• Nobody will really want this.
• It was meant to be, it would be easier.
• There would be a sign if I was supposed to do this.

All of this dwells in the same neighbourhood as the Voice of Self Diminishment. We want it to come in a neat package because of another survival part of humanity – we want it to be easy. 

Ultimately, I think that what we are seeking is:  ease. 

I see ease as a recognition; when you are using your gifts and talents, it resonates throughout you.  There is both an excitement and a calmness.  One way of describing it is like coming home. 

Figuring "something more" is not easy.  And it would be nice if someone else could do it for us.  But like all worthy endeavours is best left to the experts.  And that would be YOU! 

Year-End Review: A Gift to Yourself

As we get closer to our farthest distance from the sun here in the northern hemisphere, I think of this season’s offerings.

The dashing around for the past few weeks will soon come to an end.  It will be time to switch gears.

As a friend once said, “it is time for human being rather than human doing.” 

Victoria:  Provincial Legislative Building

The long nights are a good reminder to retreat.  In the midst of darkness, Victoria celebrates with an abundance of holiday lights wound around trees and light standards.  Some of the white lights on the provincial Legislative Building have been replaced with red and green ones.  The dazzling display is an invitation, too, for contemplation.

I have a journal I write in once a year, recapping what I have done in the last 365 days. I do this in a free-flowing way, letting events that have weaved through my year arise.  Having a non-linear process allows me to reflect on what has inspired me the most.

I have done this for 20 years – my journal has 20 entries.  When my friend Monique introduced me to this yearly tradition of hers, I adopted it immediately.  It was like a to-do list in reverse, with all the satisfaction and no pressure. 

Later when I was helping others set goals, I realized how important it is to review progress, particularly when facing something new.  Like another year.

But more importantly, it sets the tone for what’s to come.

Sometimes I read my previous entries and am reminded how far I have journeyed and how I have worked through different challenges.  It is an opportunity for me to honour what I have done and who I am.

In a culture that makes many demands and often tells us we are not good enough, taking time to celebrate who you are is a bold act.  It breaks the rules of propriety.

We are told that talking about ourselves is akin to bragging or being self absorbed. 

But how do you move through this world if you don’t know who you are?  How do you contribute at all if you don’t understand your place?  And how do you contribute anything meaningful if you don’t know what gives you meaning?

Part of that journey is being able to explore your gifts.  Your gifts and talents are where you are going to make the biggest difference in the world. Even if changing the world is not on your to-do list, you likely want to contribute. Or help.  Or at least reduce the suffering of others. 

My once-a-year journal

The journal is my starting place.

Before you rush off to make resolutions or major changes, consider what you appreciate about what you did last year.

Here is an 3-part exercise for your year-end review.  It can relate to the work you do or your personal life. 

Part One:  What did you accomplish?

• What activities did you do in the last year? 
• If you like linear methods, look back month-by-month to see what stood out for you. Remember this exercise is about recognizing yourself – focus on what you did rather than what others did.
• What did you do in the last year that made a difference in someone else’s life? 

Part Two:  What did you learn?

• What you learned can be formal or informal, personal or skill-based. 
• Throughout the year, what personal growth did you experience?

Part Three:  What is your overall summary?

• When you look back over the year, what are you most proud of achieving?
• How would you state your satisfaction? 

You may notice this exercise does not ask what you could have done better. Although that can be informative, self criticism already gets a lot of air time.

This year-end review is about allowing magnificent parts of yourself to surface.  We are all drawn to work with our gifts and talents.  The trouble is that we don’t recognize them.  Or we diminish them.  But we are expressing them all the time.

Your self-appreciation year-end review allows you the space to move away from keeping yourself small. 

How to say YES to your amazing life

Working for the weekend.  Have you ever had a job where it was a countdown to your days off?  How precious was that time between the end of your weekly shift and the beginning of another?

Once upon a time my dream was to own a cottage at the lake, the ultimate getaway.  I dreamed of a place where my children could roam and I could relax. All around the lake were others who came to play on the weekend, holidays and whenever we could plug in time. 

This was the dream.  This was the epitome of my hard work.  If I was lucky, I could retire at 55 and live at the cottage all the time. 

I never lived the dream.  Thankfully.

The problem with this picture is that weekends become increasingly short.  And the rest of the week becomes excruciatingly long.

For those of us who have a desire for something more, those who may not know exactly what that more is but can feel it in quiet times, the cottage dream isn’t enough.

When you are feeling bewildered about your life, dissatisfaction often surfaces in work life.  Understandable, since this is where you spend most of your waking hours.

Sometimes you don’t know how to figure out what to do.  Perhaps you have a plan but that means staying in the job for one more year.  Or two. Perhaps your vision is not clear.  What you do know is how you feel.  Draggy.  Listless.  Frustrated. 

What do you do?

Begin by saying yes to your life. 

Saying yes means paying attention to what excites you, what really engages you.

Saying yes means taking your desires and dreams seriously.  With a lighthearted approach.  It is all about enjoyment!

Saying yes means making the time for what inspires you.

Saying yes means doing the work of self discovery, getting to know who you are, and tying all of that to your dreams.  The work is deep, and too frequently neglected in this hurry-up, accomplishment-driven, not-enough-time world.

Sometimes you don’t say yes to your life because you can’t think of adding even one more thing into your life.  You are already stressed out.  You don’t need another item on the list.  Fun can feel like a burden.

When you feel that way, it is a sign that you need to move toward yes.           

What happens when you say yes to your life?

You enjoy life more. 

When you are connected to being alive, your energy changes.  You feel fuelled. 

You will drawn to others who share your passions. 

And they will be drawn to you.  You also will be a good role model for those around you – like your children.  One of the best things our children can experience is seeing others who are happy.

Your outlook on life shifts. 

You see possibilities where they were none before. 

What does saying yes to your life have to do with work?

You get closer to your dream job. 

By saying yes, you experience the ripple effect.  When you say yes to one part of your life, it affects the other parts.  Doing a volunteer or pleasure activity that inspires you allows you to be in the space where you consider what inspires you about work.  In your most relaxing times is often when the most brilliant ideas arise.  But there also is a deliberateness about saying yes to your life.  You are doing activities which align with who you are.

How do you say yes to your life?

Pay attention to your needs. 

Your needs are a guide to what is going on for you, pointing you towards your values, desires and preferences.  Needs are universal.  For a listing of needs, check it out here.  It is just as important to examine both your unmet and met needs. 

Pay attention to what inspires you. 

One exercise to do get to the core of your inspiration is to write a list of what excites you, using your non-dominant hand.  Take time to create a lengthy list – it allows you to get deeper.  Using your non-dominant hand allows you to tap into unconscious parts of yourself.  Make a life list – check it out here. 

Make room in your life. 

Just as we make room to do the dishes and clean out the basement, plan time to do those activities that you have uncovered in the previous exercise.  Organizers suggest that scheduling these activities in your calendar will ensure that it is a priority. 

Start saying yes. 

The beginning point is to say yes to yourself – to your basic needs such as exercise, eating well, and sleep.  This will allow you to have the energy to be engaged with your life in healthy ways.  And then start saying yes to what is important to you. 

Why looking at job postings is a bad idea

The main reason is that it is a backwards notion.  Richard N. Bolles, author of What Color Is Your Parachute, explains that the first way a job seeker looks for a job is the last way that employers seek job seekers.

When employers are filling a vacant position, they first look around to see if they know anybody who could do the work. This falls under the “least risk” category which is innate to being a human. Least risk is a survival trait. It also requires the least effort.

If they can’t find anyone that way, they will expand their nets wider.  Is there a former employee who might be available?  Do they know someone who knows someone? 

The final method that employers use is placing an ad.  This is the most risky and the most troublesome.  They never know who they might get; a pile of resumes takes a lot of time, never mind the interviews and shortlisting. 

 This information is very significant for a job seeker.  And it also explains why only 20% of jobs are ever posted. 

And why it will always be true. 

The strategy for job seekers then is to get closer to the inner circle where employers first look.  This is why we hear people say they got their jobs by word of mouth.

What an intriguing challenge!

And one where your innate strengths can help.  If you enjoying meeting new people, attending networking events might work for you.  If you have a preference to having deeper, one-on-one conversations, arranging a meeting might work the best.

The questions to ask yourself before you set out to find job that are not posted are:

• What are my strengths?  To explore yours, check out this article here.
  
• How can I contribute to the organization or company in ways where I am able to make a difference in my own uniqueness?  This means doing some research ahead of time to find out more about the people you are interviewing.
  
• What are some questions that you are curious about?  Make a list before you meet with anyone.
  

This approach works well if you know what you want.  But what if you don’t?

Frequently I see people looking at job postings to figure out what they want to do with their life, what career to choose.

This is problematic for several reasons.  Here's why job postings are a bad idea for career exploration. 

Job postings show some gaps

But they certainly don’t show them all.  In thinking about the 20% rule above, that means 80% of jobs are not on the radar.  If you only use job postings as a way of finding work that fits for you, you may well be missing a big selection that you hadn’t even considered. 

Job postings can be discouraging

When you look at the job boards, you get a distorted picture of the labour market.  What you don’t get to see is the vibrancy and possibilities of a workplace that has never seen such diversity and so many choices of work.  The types of work that are advertised can too frequently give such a narrow view you don’t think there is anything else and you can find yourself disheartened.    

Job postings are only one side of the equation

What job postings show is some of the demand that is available.  But it doesn’t show who you are, what makes you tick, which is key to the other part of the equation.  As a career exploration method, looking at job postings takes you away from where you need to put your attention. 

Knowing the labour market has a place in finding work that fits for you – the idea is to find work after all – but if you only base your decisions on what you see in job postings, your degree of work satisfaction will be hit or miss.

Is there a place for job postings in finding work that will fit for you?  Perhaps in the career research phase.  But they will only be one element. 

When I talk to people about job postings, I tell them to place no more than 20% of their energy in this method – either as a job search method or career exploration aspect. 

Here is another important truth

The labour market is always in a state of flux.  What is in demand varies from province to province and from region to region.  And that state trickles down to the job boards, and in advice about what’s hot and what’s not.

Basing your career decisions solely on an ever-changing labour market is a bumpy ride.

So rather than focussing on jobs in demand, wouldn’t you rather spending your precious time and energy in seeking work where you can use your gifts and talents?

As it happens, that's what employers are seeking. 

What matters most to you?

What is most important to you?  Behind all of your actions and decisions reside values.  Core values guide you towards how you want to be in the world.  Often when you are conflicted, you find you are not acting in alignment with how you want to lead your life.

Values affect all parts of your life.  In your workplace, you will find that when you are having a disagreement with another colleague, what you believe will be at the root of the issue.

Your values could affect the work that you choose.  Or not choose.

After several months of not being able to find work and living in a new city, my aunt arranged for me to get an interview at a factory.  I was hired.

I was placed at the end of a conveyor belt where I picked up flat boxes that had just been glued at the seams and placed them in a bigger box.  I had two other components to the job:  ensuring the boxes were glued and the machine kicked out every 25th box. 

And that was it. 

Soon I was miserable.  I looked forward to coffee time and lunch, and those inevitable (thankfully!) machine breakdowns.

I dreamed of faraway places and how much money I could put away for adventures. 

What I realized was that some basic parts of me were starving.  Some of my core values such as contributing in a meaningful way, variety, and discovery were relegated to my off-work time.  Except work took up a lot of my time and energy. 

 That factory job taught me a lot about myself. 

You will notice that a lot of your own experiences will inform you of what is most important to you.  Even if you go in the back door like I did. 

Here are a few questions that arise when thinking of how values affect finding work that matters.

What are values?

Values are those guiding standards or principles we use to make decisions and are what drives our actions.  We have many values.  Often you will find that in values assessments, there is a process to pick your top values – those are your core values.   Here is a listing of some values. 

How are values used for finding work that matters?

Values are used in two ways:  to help determine your career and to assist you in finding the organization or company that would be a good fit.  Your values are one aspect of you that is used in the self discovery process of career exploration.  For more information on the Finding Work That Matters’ model, click here.

For job search, remember that you are on the same page as employers – you are both looking for the right fit.  What this means is that both parties need to have a clear idea of what they are seeking. 

Values drive every organization and company.  You will often see a listing of businesses’ values on their website.  Are they in alignment with yours?  If yes, how can you contribute in a way that acts on their values?

How do you uncover your core values?

I have developed a worksheet that you can access for free.  Click here to explore your values.  I would love to hear what you have discovered through the process.   You are welcome to email me at patricia@findingworkthatmatters.com

The core values that have emerged for Finding Work That Matters are integral to all of the work that I do with clients.  It provides the essence of the process and outcomes.  Below are my top 3 values:

Aliveness – to connect with what is alive in you and others

I agree with Marshall Rosenberg (creator of Nonviolent Communication) that what humans want is to connect with what is alive in ourselves and each other.  What makes you come alive? The sense of aliveness is engaging, energizing and expansive. 

Boldness – to step wholeheartedly into your life

The definition of boldness has 2 components.  One is to be daring and the other is about strength.  When I see a person being bold, they are working in alignment with their strengths, offering to the world their own unique gifts and talents.      

Contribution – to contribute in a way that is meaningful to you

Contributing is a personal choice.  For some, a contribution is a cause or an ideal and it certainly can be in very ordinary ways.  Check out this video for ways of contributing in our daily lives.  This is the way we change the world!

To find out how I can help you find work that matters to you, check this out.